Remember when Gee Dubya won the election and all of the bleeding-heart liberals and licentious Blue-Staters started freaking out and talking shit about moving to Canada? And then Dubya seemed to be all "centrist" and nothing terrible happened and we're not required to kill a minority or praise Jesus every morning after all? (Threatening to invade Iran totally doesn't count... we all knew that was coming.) Well... let's just say that today Washington lived up to all that sweet hype.
You know how none of the other countries in the world other than Israel likes us anymore and we were supposed to be extending an olive branch and mending diplomatic ties? Right. Fuck that. Instead, GeeDub has nominated Paul D. Wolfowitz, the deputy secretary of defense, to head the World Bank. Umm... wasn't Bono supposed to get that job? Let's just say no one outside of the U.S. is going to be very pleased with the selection. Like, why not just nominate Sergeant Slaughter? At least he has experience in both global finance and fighting Cobra. (This article outlines Sgt. Slaughter's qualifications rather nicely.)
But wait, it gets much better. SUV owners across the country rejoice! Your retarded fossil-fuel consumption can continue for at least six more months! The Senate has really stuck it to all them uppity polar bears, musk oxen, mountains, birds, and shit by voting to open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to some much-needed oil drilling. YESSS! I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm puttin' on my sealskin jacket and goin' off-roading!! And tonight the heat's goin' up to motherfuckin' 11!!
The management prefers to avoid politics, but this is too awesome. Wilderness and global stability? That's for fags and hippies. Gotta go... I'm hitting McDonald's to try their new fried McDolphin sandwich!
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